So I haven’t posted in over a month…but I am still alive, and doing well! So a lot of things changed in our plan in the past few weeks. I know I have mentioned a money back guarantee after 3 rounds of IVF and no baby- not what we thought at all. You would think we would look into the details of something like this prior to shelling out 25K, but no…apparently we don’t think that is necessary.
So a few weeks after our BFN, we met with the doctor. He knew I was upset about my egg/embryo quality, and did actually bring up the possibility of donor eggs. I think this is a wonderful option for down the road if needed, but in my mind I was thinking how we would actually save money doing the third round of IVF if it didn’t work, because of the money back guarantee program. All of a sudden, my husband and I realized that that makes NO sense from a buisness stand-point and we should probably look into this.
Fast forward to me calling the financial coordinator. Imagine my shock when she told me that the 3-times “money back guarantee” is actually a program that everywhere else calls a “shared risk” program. Where you meet specific criteria, and pay 40K up front, and then get 27K back if you still don’t get pregnant. We were floored. Just shocked. Again, this is really no one’s fault but our own for not looking into it, and the office’s marketing for not clearly stating what it is.
That was a rough day. Quite literally rock bottom. That is the day that I realized that it is very possible that I may never have a biologic child. Very luckily, I had a girls weekend planned with good friends, and it was just what I needed to get back into a normal mind set. We talked about my problems, we talked about their problems, and we drank lots of wine at the beach. I literally came back an old person- my old self. I didn’t even realize how obsessed I had become with everything. Which of course is normal, but not healthy. At least not if you have the obsessive Type-A personality that I do!
When I got back my husband and I each discussed what we had processed over the weekend. And we mutually decided that we should take a minimum of 6 months off from doing anything, maybe even up to year. Then go back to the RE, and see how my FSH and AMH are doing. If they have plummeted even lower than they already were, then we figure out a new plan. If they seem to have stayed the same or only worsened slightly we will consider doing another round. It is just very hard to justify paying so much money for such a poor response. And technically speaking, if it is coming down to egg quality, there is no reason I wouldn’t get pregnant the old fashioned way when that one good egg pops up.
So of course, to avoid thinking about anything TTC related, I just put my husband and I on a very Type-A planned Tuesday/Thursday/Weekend night sex schedule. He is just so upset about it, haha. This way no temperatures, no chart analyzing. It was all well and good until my cycle was 24 days…meaning I might need to add in progesterone supplementation if I am having a luteal phase deficiency. Remember when I thought that that was my only problem- so naive! So now the good ‘ol BBT is probably making a reappearance- blah.
I also read a very informative book- “It all starts with an egg” that has made me a little psycho about BPA, pthylanes, and adding extra supplements. The book is all about improving egg quality, and has a lot of science background about each thing. I really wish that I had read the book prior to doing IVF, and especially prior to our second round. But in typical me fashion, I just wanted to get started ASAP. I had read another book about fertility yoga and organic diets, but I thought it was a little new age-y for me, because it didn’t have the science background.
So I’m loading up on DHEA (which I had been on), D3, and Ubiquinol in addition to the baby aspirin and prenatal. Woo-woo!
I oddly feel very optimistic that I may get pregnant naturally in the next year. Almost like the 6th sense feeling that I was going to have fertility problems, but the opposite, so we will see. It is comforting knowing that, as my doctor said many times, my uterus is still only 31 years old. At this point we would rather ride out my few remaining eggs naturally, and see where that takes us! On the recommendation of a friend, I did purchase and download the Circle+Bloom natural fertility meditation guidance. And I think it is going well- I’m pretty sure I have been falling asleep haha.
Obviously I am not going to have very interesting things to post about while not in treatments. Unless you all want to hear about how I am totally obsessed with running outside again, now that I don’t have to worry about embryos falling out (yes, that was a serious concern!). It is nice to just relax and not think about a whole lot. I’m sure I will have some venting posts, and maybe some informative egg quality improvement updates- I’m totally becoming new age-y about it BTW. If a mircale happens maybe even a pregnancy announcement!? One can dream!
As always, I will be be on here every once and a while to check all of your updates, but definitely less frequently. I wish you all the best of luck, sticky embryos, healthy pregnancies, and healthier and happier babies! XOXO